‘Sorry’is a simple word but carries a very abstract and complex concept. Almost every conflict can end with mutual forgiveness.
Conversely, conflict can be prolonged if the word sorry is not issued. The complexity is that ‘sorry’ demands each conflicting party to ‘ask’ and ‘give’.
David Ludden, PhD., contributor to Psychology Today,in his article revealed that issuing a word of apology is a challenge for every level of human intelligence, because often even the guilty are reluctant to issue an apology.
Here are three things David put forward that caused someone’s reluctance to ask, or vice versa, to apologize.
When a conflict occurs in a romantic relationship, the difficulty of giving or apologizing is generally caused by low concern for each other and the continuity of the relationship itself.
However, according to David, the apology is an attempt to repair a relationship. The motivation to give or apologize comes from the care of the relationship and also empathy for the harmed party.
Feeling His Image Threatened
Karina Schumann, a psychologist from the University of Pittsburgh, USA, reveals other facts in this context. In her research, Karina revealed that someone who has narcissistic traits tends to find it difficult to apologize even if she finds out that she is guilty.
A narcissist has a very low level of empathy. Basically everyone has values of kindness, including those who are narcissistic. The difference is, when they hurt someone, their image is the first thing to consider.
Sorry Is Not the Solution
Those who refuse to give or apologize have the thought that an apology is not a solution so it is free to do.
The sentences of justification are usually like, “Then what after apologizing?” or “Then the problem is over after apologizing?” In this context, David also reveals that the victim (the apologiser) becomes the party that plays an important role.
When an offender (sorry applicant) shows his sincere remorse, the victim can end any conflict that occurs by giving an apology.
On the other hand, the apology applicant also needs to be aware that a sincere apology is not immediately followed by a full apology.
Read More : The Right Way To Apologize
However, a sincere apology must still be ‘processed’ by time. In addition, the plea and apology relate to the relationship of power over the continuation of the relationship. That is, if each side does not legowo in its giving and apology, the conflict can occur again by leveriting each other and blaming each other.
Read More : Sorry and Thank You, Two Super Words That Sometimes Difficult to Pronounce